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NFL Owners Can Be Shitheads Without Donald Trump's Help

NFL Owners Can Be Shitheads Without Donald Trump's Help

One day during the 2017 offseason, I went to Paul Brown Stadium to interview Cincinnati Bengals owner Mike Brown. Like a lot of grandfathers, Brown enjoys reading history books. At the stadium, his all-glass office is ringed in bookshelves that run partway up the walls, though not so far that they obscure a dazzling…Read more...
Shohei Ohtani, Please Do The Damn Home Run Derby!

Shohei Ohtani, Please Do The Damn Home Run Derby!

Shohei Ohtani doesn’t think he’s ready for the home run derby. “I don’t think I’m at that level yet,” he told reporters yesterday.Read more...
Milwaukee's Mayor And Cops Are Already Apologetic About The Forthcoming Sterling Brown Arrest Video

Milwaukee's Mayor And Cops Are Already Apologetic About The Forthcoming Sterling Brown Arrest Video

The video footage of Bucks guard Sterling Brown’s arrest is set to be released this week, and judging by how Milwaukee authorities are scrambling to do damage control, it sure seems like it’ll tell a very different story from the one police first told. Brown was arrested on Jan. 26 for resisting arrest after officers…Read…
You Don't Have To Get Cute With The Rockets

You Don't Have To Get Cute With The Rockets

The Rockets are coming after Steph Curry. Through the first three games of their series against they Warriors, they have been committed to one idea that they seem to think will give them the best chance to win: use a pick to switch Curry onto the ballhandler on every offensive possession, and then wait for…
The Rays Are Making History With Strange New Pitching Strategies

The Rays Are Making History With Strange New Pitching Strategies

The Rays announced last week an extremely unusual, cosmic-brain plan for the immediate future of their pitching rotation: rather than the traditional approach of deploying a starting pitcher to work through the opposing lineup a few times before yielding to the bullpen, manager Kevin Cash decided to play matchup…Read more...
Petty-Ass Derek Jeter Yanks Credentials From Radio Host Who Tracked Down Marlins’ Overseas Corporate Office

Petty-Ass Derek Jeter Yanks Credentials From Radio Host Who Tracked Down Marlins’ Overseas Corporate...

Last month Miami radio host Andy Slater joined Marlins Man on an investigative trip to the British Virgin Islands, where they learned that the corporate address of the Miami Marlins was a post office box, listed in order to establish the Marlins as a foreign company, for the most cynical of reasons. This was an…Read…
WWE Is Poised To Hit The TV Rights Jackpot In Its Upcoming Domestic Contract

WWE Is Poised To Hit The TV Rights Jackpot In Its Upcoming Domestic Contract

The Hollywood Reporter caused a stir on Wednesday when the publication’s Matthew Belloni tweeted that USA Network parent company NBC Universal is letting WWE’s SmackDown Live go to open bidding for a new contract. That was news, but Belloni noted that NBCU bowed out because it believed that the current offer for the…Read more...
Alex Honnold Wants To Save Our National Parks

Alex Honnold Wants To Save Our National Parks

Naturally, Alex Honnold is in Yosemite right now. This should not surprise you, because if non-climbers know anything about Honnold, it’s that he climbed El Capitan without a rope a year ago, becoming the first person to free solo the legendary big wall. When I spoke to him yesterday, Honnold was enjoying a rest day,…Read…
Woman Furiously Shits On Floor Of Tim Hortons, Throws It At Employees

Woman Furiously Shits On Floor Of Tim Hortons, Throws It At Employees

A woman in Canada was so incensed about something Tim Hortons employees did or didn’t do that she dropped her pants, took a dump on the floor, threw it, grabbed some napkins to wipe her ass, threw those too, and left.Read more...
Red Sox Pitcher Carson Smith Suffers Potentially Major Injury After Throwing His Glove In Frustration

Red Sox Pitcher Carson Smith Suffers Potentially Major Injury After Throwing His Glove In...

Carson Smith tossed one inning in relief for the Red Sox in yesterday’s loss to the Oakland A’s, giving up a home run to Khris Davis. After he left the game, he was apparently mad at himself, and he tossed his glove in frustration. That’s a normal and fine reaction, but Smith injured himself doing…

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